Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

iOceanus

Search for a member

iOceanus

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2042
  • Number of comments : 286
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About iOceanus : I enjoy reading manga, watching anime, and playing video games. Otaku and proud! ^_^☆ Send me a message, and I'll entertain you! I'll talk about anything, really. :P Although, I'm usually lurking on FML at night! Sayonara mina-san!
( ´ ▽ ` )ノ

The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie.
-Anonymous

You reap what you sow. -Many people

Do or do not, there is no try. -Master Yoda

True freedom lies within ones thoughts.
-Anonymous

iOceanus's page activity

Visits<b>AE101</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:31pm<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 11:58pm<b>TheMrJoee</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 8:07pm<b>harlz31</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 6:19pm<b>ThisDirtyDreamer</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 5:31am<b>Ins3rtEpicName</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 11:03pm<b>forevralone</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 3:00pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 2:54am<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 9:10pm<b>lovefrog</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 10:36am<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 9:56am<b>Ciarasdfghjkl_</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 6:25am<b>Crofty92</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 4:05am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 3:48am<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 3:13am<b>SadisticStephyy</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:45am<b>penguinhalo</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:43am<b>the_mantlist</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:37pm

iOceanus's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of iOceanus's badges

iOceanus's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21818) - you deserved it (44871)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

#20527973
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44232) - you deserved it (20250)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

#20527903
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32780) - you deserved it (3426)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Doors Hate Me - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

#20527203
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61400) - you deserved it (5374)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35191) - you deserved it (6764)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

#20526426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24299) - you deserved it (6571) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm - health - by JimiHendrix (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

#20526049
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27177) - you deserved it (8757)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

#20525408
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31088) - you deserved it (2684)

On 02/28/2013 at 5:56am - misc - by sickofthesmelltoo (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16181) - you deserved it (34562)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

#20513159
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42906) - you deserved it (9371)

On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31135) - you deserved it (2623)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30653) - you deserved it (8773)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

#20157750
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24685) - you deserved it (1776)

On 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

#20131002
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24565) - you deserved it (2179)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:14am - misc - by bill - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29677) - you deserved it (6033)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: