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iOceanus

Offline (the 02/04/2015 at 5:25pm) | Search for a member

iOceanus

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3696
  • Number of comments : 289
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About iOceanus : I enjoy reading manga, watching anime, and playing video games. Otaku and proud! ^_^☆ Send me a message, and I'll entertain you! I'll talk about anything, really. :P Although, I'm usually lurking on FML at night! Sayonara mina-san!
( ´ ▽ ` )ノ

The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie.
-Anonymous

You reap what you sow. -Many people

Do or do not, there is no try. -Master Yoda

True freedom lies within ones thoughts.
-Anonymous

iOceanus's page activity

Visits<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - 15 hours ago<b>MissKylie</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Shrekie</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 3:15am<b>singer0421</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 1:09am<b>One_Way</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:01pm<b>Csoi</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 10:28pm<b>Driving_Gaming</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 4:50pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 11:38am<b>Juicenub</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 5:19am<b>Movel</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 6:59am<b>axfabxdisaster</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 5:58am<b>hfudge</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 10:58am<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 3:36am<b>DalekWarrior26</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 6:07pm<b>ken29</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 12:43pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 5:04pm<b>paintedchocolate</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 7:46pm<b>mikeman1744</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 5:28pm

Fucked!<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 10:56pm

iOceanus's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of iOceanus's badges

iOceanus's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32087) - you deserved it (3436)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

#20535043
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14192) - you deserved it (34185)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56188) - you deserved it (14712)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37143) - you deserved it (5086)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

#20529455
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31227) - you deserved it (10156)

On 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33689) - you deserved it (5651)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (47587)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

#20527973
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46975) - you deserved it (21448)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

#20527903
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33075) - you deserved it (3447)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Doors Hate Me - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

#20527203
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65536) - you deserved it (5731)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35725) - you deserved it (6805)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

#20526426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26485) - you deserved it (6927) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm - health - by JimiHendrix (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

#20526049
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29920) - you deserved it (9253)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

#20525408
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32120) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/28/2013 at 5:56am - misc - by sickofthesmelltoo (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16971) - you deserved it (35965)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)



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