iMISFIT

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iMISFIT

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 818
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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iMISFIT's page activity

Visits<b>swiwi</b> - the 02/12/2012 at 5:26pm<b>durisnonfrangor</b> - the 01/18/2012 at 2:47am<b>courier7</b> - the 12/14/2011 at 8:38pm

iMISFIT's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

iMISFIT's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

by guy / 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

by sy123 / 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw, and the waiters had to call 911. FML

by cherknobil / 07/29/2012 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

by daydreamer / 07/29/2012 at 1:12am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

by Insomniac / 07/28/2012 at 5:56am / United States (Alaska) / Health

Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML

by booo / 07/27/2012 at 1:46pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

by Arthurie / 07/24/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

by divorce? i think so / 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

by oops / 07/15/2012 at 1:34am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

by a4rk / 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm / Malaysia (Sarawak) / Work

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

by sozzy / 07/07/2012 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

by totallyembarassed / 07/07/2012 at 12:08am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous