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iLoveCookiezz's FML badges
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iLoveCookiezz's favorite FMLs
by I don't know, son / 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Ellie / 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
by Nice Melons / 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm / United States / Work
Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML
by baddad / 09/23/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids
by hoolagirl4422 / 09/20/2013 at 7:23am / Hong Kong / Love
Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
by NotGabe / 09/01/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML
by happyturtle / 09/01/2013 at 5:57am / Croatia / Intimacy
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
by why / 08/17/2013 at 10:18am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by YouSoSmelly / 08/02/2013 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
by immaturity all around / 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm / United States / Love
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily.… Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I… Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting…