About iChel413 : I am 19, a mommy & wifey, and a college student. (:. Life. Is. Good.
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iChel413's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
by me / 01/05/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2010 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML
by TacoFail / 01/01/2010 at 11:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML
by Shocked / 12/17/2009 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 2:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Money
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML
by jlowder2 / 12/10/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML
by Drim / 11/25/2009 at 12:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML
by notip / 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 10:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by birdbath / 11/08/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
by Metime / 11/04/2009 at 11:17pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML
by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
- Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make… Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He… Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to…
- Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…