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iBiteRoses

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iBiteRoses
  • Town/Country : Portland, Oregon
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 1 February 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 1755
  • Number of comments : 283
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 57 posted

About iBiteRoses : I've noticed everyone clicking "You Deserved It" on everything even if it's something the person didn't deserve. Are people just mad because they aren't getting the new iPhone for Christmas? LOL

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Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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iBiteRoses's favorite FMLs

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24036) - you deserved it (6478)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

#17675757
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10164) - you deserved it (16353)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm - health - by wheezy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

#17672212
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26799) - you deserved it (2794)

On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

#17607153
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25842) - you deserved it (7515)

On 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm - work - by Andrew - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
670 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25866) - you deserved it (37485)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (5039)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33286) - you deserved it (2974)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

#17530831
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22031) - you deserved it (4810)

On 08/20/2011 at 5:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28104) - you deserved it (4424)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30020) - you deserved it (8709)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
445 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39356) - you deserved it (5803)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

#17381652
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29878) - you deserved it (5125)

On 08/05/2011 at 9:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17981) - you deserved it (2357)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

#17184971
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33937) - you deserved it (5071)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by knolan - United States



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