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About iBiteRoses : Today, FYL
Fingerprints everywhere
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
50 quality responses
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100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7186) - you deserved it (2883)
On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)
Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML
I agree, your life sucks (10274) - you deserved it (1910)
On 04/18/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by amazed (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5799) - you deserved it (983)
On 04/10/2012 at 6:48am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5111) - you deserved it (2315)
On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States
Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1500) - you deserved it (5809)
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17783) - you deserved it (4510)
On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8459) - you deserved it (1717)
On 03/05/2012 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by Alfie4 (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20819) - you deserved it (6389)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6859) - you deserved it (503)
On 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous -
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
I agree, your life sucks (23110) - you deserved it (1573)
On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by scammed - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8227) - you deserved it (813)
On 12/15/2011 at 1:57am - work - by Username - United States (California)
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12838) - you deserved it (1318)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10107) - you deserved it (25828)
On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7840) - you deserved it (21773)
On 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML
I agree, your life sucks (5220) - you deserved it (39280)
On 11/25/2011 at 9:09pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)
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