About hwkfan1 : If you're reading this it means I've posted something funny or that you are diehard creepers. And yes I used the proper you're...Now fuck off! JK:D
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (78679) - you deserved it (15587)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24547) - you deserved it (106514)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24547) - you deserved it (106514)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35253) - you deserved it (1647)
On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, in my class I was nominated for the guy with the worst hairdo. I don't know what is worse, the fact that I was nominated or the fact that I felt let down when I did not win. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34287) - you deserved it (6593)
Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10747) - you deserved it (62324)
On 05/07/2009 at 8:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30745) - you deserved it (75100)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year old boy asked me "What do you do when you really want something?". I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42550) - you deserved it (4482)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:51pm - kids - by ZAS (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20556) - you deserved it (351306)
On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18095) - you deserved it (55791)
On 04/03/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by healey16 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (141478) - you deserved it (24595)
On 04/03/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by lalanon (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199606) - you deserved it (58885)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46260) - you deserved it (5570)
On 03/28/2009 at 9:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML
I agree, your life sucks (113612) - you deserved it (4564)
On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27241) - you deserved it (96507)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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