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hurley12's favorite FMLs
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by tannarox / 01/28/2012 at 10:46am / United States (California) / Animals
by anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 12:02am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2012 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Love
by Duplighost / 01/12/2012 at 3:16pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML
by hannaaaahr / 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Health
by Angela / 01/04/2012 at 2:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML
by Une Fille / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by Santa / 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
by jackgrant / 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm / Iran Islamic Republic of / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 12:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML
by djkimmaz / 12/03/2011 at 6:23am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…