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Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33387) - you deserved it (3655)
On 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm - love - by wellokaythen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40572) - you deserved it (5321)
On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45012) - you deserved it (3055)
On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21123) - you deserved it (27632)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:17am - work - by charishard - United States (Texas)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (52622) - you deserved it (7541)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34354) - you deserved it (9787)
On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46637) - you deserved it (3232)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16543) - you deserved it (65150)
On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33452) - you deserved it (6496)
On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8280) - you deserved it (25168)
On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -
Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15107) - you deserved it (2830)
On 01/05/2013 at 11:00am - health - by Dracoboxer357 - Canada
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10195) - you deserved it (23318)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9026) - you deserved it (25163)
On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12630) - you deserved it (1696)
On 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21001) - you deserved it (4557)
On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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