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hpsmith

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hpsmith's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40862) - you deserved it (5792)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

#20199177
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35097) - you deserved it (14547)

On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

#20171802
166 comments

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26132) - you deserved it (2139)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32505) - you deserved it (2301)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

#20102415
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46814) - you deserved it (1916)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

#20102155
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28902) - you deserved it (3599)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

#20102066
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18685) - you deserved it (2044)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

#20101904
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27150) - you deserved it (2524)

On 10/04/2012 at 8:28pm - love - by imafunguy (man) - United States

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

#20101015
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22806) - you deserved it (2764)

On 10/04/2012 at 3:13am - love - by DCarreon (man) - United States (California)

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22137) - you deserved it (2041)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to play Twister. Her parents watched us the whole time, making sure we didn't touch. FML

#20100263
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23168) - you deserved it (2184)

On 10/03/2012 at 6:03pm - misc - by its just twister (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29380) - you deserved it (5079)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

#20083494
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21161) - you deserved it (1664)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:17pm - work - by Annette (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML



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