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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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hotscar

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hotscar

About hotscar : Ok, here it is. I\'m a nice guy, but don\'t rub me the wrong way. If you\'re a jerk, I can make you regret it. I\'m not a pushover. I\'m not a wuss. Thats really me in my picture. I\'m not posing; I\'m looking at my relay split on the board. Be kind to me, and I\'ll be kind to you.

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hotscar's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

hotscar's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (35968) - you deserved it (10383)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

#8835059 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (13389) - you deserved it (2132)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm - misc - by Grossed_out (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (26950) - you deserved it (2204)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

#2987164 (334)

I agree, your life sucks (18712) - you deserved it (81306)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724 (631)

I agree, your life sucks (14998) - you deserved it (158484)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was masturbating to a video a friend sent me. The girls were hot, walking out on a stage doing all sorts of sexy manuevers. The video was close to ending and the announcer in the video announced the winner. His name was Dan. It was a drag competition. My friend knew I'd whack off to it. FML

#1097922 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (19760) - you deserved it (86635)

On 04/18/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by Masterbater (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

#1033363 (405)

I agree, your life sucks (19822) - you deserved it (185743)

On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML

#859604 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (54963) - you deserved it (134460)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML

#498194 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (20350) - you deserved it (98751)

On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

#29434 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (6017) - you deserved it (87528)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)