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hothotheat_'s favorite FMLs
Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Curt / 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML
by badhairday / 09/04/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML
by bubblezzz123 / 09/04/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had been working at the checkout for over 5 hours. Slighty tired while serving a customer, my eye accidentally twitched and I gave him a wink, he smiled and winked back. When I finished work 2 hours later he was outside, waiting for me, and followed me to my car, still smiling. FML
by Pop_Pies / 09/03/2009 at 9:27am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by doomed / 08/22/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2009 at 9:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML
by esb / 08/13/2009 at 11:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML
by shewholaughsatthedead / 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
by babybreath / 06/02/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by sly / 01/03/2009 at 10:55pm / Kids
- Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of… Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket… Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my…