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hothotheat_'s favorite FMLs
Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML
by ewwgross / 05/20/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
by Anon / 03/10/2011 at 10:08am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by greenchan / 02/25/2011 at 12:12am / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals
by tenthousandspoon / 09/12/2010 at 8:08pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids
Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML
by nubbins / 01/26/2010 at 1:56am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML
by Arsinoe / 01/05/2010 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Money
by Labelme / 01/02/2010 at 3:26am / United States / Work
Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML
by Oddity_C / 11/24/2009 at 8:00pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML
by FreeOfCharge / 09/21/2009 at 2:06am / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by ouchh / 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML
by jeph23 / 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML
by thatgirl247 / 09/11/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…