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hoselrocket

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hoselrocket

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  • Number of visits : 20
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hoselrocket's favorite FMLs

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

#20025166
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20817) - you deserved it (1575)

On 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by rainbows? more like shitstorms (man) - United States

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

#20010086
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25988) - you deserved it (3196)

On 08/08/2012 at 7:03pm - love - by Dumbfounded - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18217) - you deserved it (3876)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

#19984638
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26170) - you deserved it (4882)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

#17499857
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35656) - you deserved it (2715)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30197) - you deserved it (8729)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

#17465533
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22906) - you deserved it (1997)

On 08/14/2011 at 12:36am - health - by MomLovesMeLessThanTrash - United States (California)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24896) - you deserved it (2462)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML

#17226602
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27905) - you deserved it (4125)

On 07/23/2011 at 3:49am - love - by MaHalKiTa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
867 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50546) - you deserved it (613683)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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