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horseygirl11698's favorite FMLs
by blackchin III / 06/20/2014 at 5:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Health
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by BrefODM / 06/12/2014 at 11:15pm / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
by Harry / 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/15/2014 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML
by rholt / 01/14/2014 at 1:48am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML
by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Health
by The greatest Illusion ever / 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML
by Allycat / 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML
by CelibateHero / 10/05/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
- Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited,… Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little… Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the…