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Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31794) - you deserved it (15087)
On 07/27/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by usafprog (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44584) - you deserved it (2509)
On 07/27/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by scarred (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43475) - you deserved it (4247)
On 07/22/2009 at 7:35pm - love - by OneYearMistake. (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30653) - you deserved it (7946)
On 07/22/2009 at 4:16am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14419) - you deserved it (37349)
On 07/22/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Alice (woman) - United States
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59452) - you deserved it (3969)
On 07/21/2009 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Headphones (man) - United States
Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37289) - you deserved it (21692)
On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
I agree, your life sucks (71533) - you deserved it (4218)
On 07/21/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by fmjob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8196) - you deserved it (43101)
On 07/19/2009 at 2:45am - love - by DramaQueen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43346) - you deserved it (2552)
On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44840) - you deserved it (3012)
On 07/17/2009 at 1:02am - work - by awkward. (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49221) - you deserved it (2511)
On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41176) - you deserved it (10411)
On 07/13/2009 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61031) - you deserved it (9516)
On 07/12/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47972) - you deserved it (7507)
On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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