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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31668) - you deserved it (4522)
On 08/05/2009 at 3:36pm - work - by TMI (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96096) - you deserved it (3049)
On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38756) - you deserved it (6001)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50289) - you deserved it (3172)
On 08/04/2009 at 7:27am - love - by jemma (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37952) - you deserved it (17146)
On 08/04/2009 at 3:55am - love - by Ouchithurt (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9991) - you deserved it (88038)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59556) - you deserved it (12170)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36891) - you deserved it (23705)
On 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by yeahthatsme (woman) - United States (Kentucky) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38841) - you deserved it (4883)
On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39544) - you deserved it (3060)
On 07/30/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by thesockmancometh (man) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34501) - you deserved it (20376)
On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32078) - you deserved it (2867)
On 07/30/2009 at 9:56am - kids - by Rae (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18847) - you deserved it (48578)
On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5885) - you deserved it (59300)
On 07/30/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by FGum (man) - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore. We always have one item we try and sell to every customer. For the next week I have to ask every person if they would like to try my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (2986)
On 07/29/2009 at 11:17pm - misc - by arsenic660 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 20 May 2013
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