About hornytoad13 : College student just trying to make a living off of bad jokes.
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hornytoad13's favorite FMLs
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
by me / 01/02/2016 at 3:25am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
by ohtheirony / 12/10/2015 at 2:49pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML
by unimpressed bride / 11/22/2015 at 1:10am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by itwaswarm / 09/25/2015 at 5:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by .... / 11/29/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by outoflove / 06/30/2014 at 5:06pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML
by exchange / 12/17/2009 at 12:00am / Ireland (Limerick) / Money
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML
by steven / 06/28/2009 at 11:53am / Cayman Islands / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…