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hoolio1717

Offline (the 03/07/2014 at 5:20am) | Search for a member

hoolio1717

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  • Number of visits : 833
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

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hoolio1717's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44362) - you deserved it (5325)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50579) - you deserved it (10860)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32251) - you deserved it (5480)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28214) - you deserved it (5366)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (1634)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33732) - you deserved it (10483)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

#19995451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19633) - you deserved it (2017)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by joleezad5 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

#15866600
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31380) - you deserved it (2120)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:45pm - misc - by doomed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

#15800511
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (5744)

On 04/15/2011 at 10:04pm - work - by :| - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33385) - you deserved it (4811)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48732) - you deserved it (8014)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML

#15427360
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57953) - you deserved it (6286)

On 03/22/2011 at 3:23am - animals - by negin -

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

#15366508
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29672) - you deserved it (5865)

On 03/18/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by nosleeptilpissoff (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

#15270660
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27227) - you deserved it (4112)

On 03/11/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States (Washington)



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