About honeycutt8729 : I'm Kristin.
I read fml because I love to laugh.
I love working out.
Always in a good mood.
I love to cook.
I love the correct use of grammar and punctuation.
I have the perfect life with a supportive fiancé who cares about my happiness.
About honeycutt8729 : I'm Kristin.
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honeycutt8729's favorite FMLs
Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML
by xero_art / 06/26/2009 at 5:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Money
Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML
by prostate / 06/08/2009 at 9:48am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML
by xacked / 06/02/2009 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML
by noboyfriend / 05/24/2009 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Money
Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML
by Joe / 04/16/2009 at 12:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML
by annonymous / 04/06/2009 at 4:35am / China (Beijing) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML
by showerstupid / 04/04/2009 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2009 at 1:47am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML
by CPN / 03/14/2009 at 10:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
by ubbernoob / 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health
Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML
by TahRah / 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML
by GD / 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML
- Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to… Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her… Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself…