homieg1995

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homieg1995

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  • Number of visits : 1449
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 21 posted

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homieg1995's page activity

Visits<b>winterforever97</b> - the 02/06/2012 at 6:25pm<b>murlocholmes</b> - the 10/21/2011 at 10:49pm<b>KirstyDragon</b> - the 10/05/2011 at 5:06am<b>CaptainPickles72</b> - the 09/23/2011 at 10:37pm

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homieg1995's favorite FMLs

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

by STOPTAKINGPICTURES / 07/08/2013 at 7:45pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

by readytoamputatemyfeet / 06/30/2013 at 7:00pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

by dudeyouarefired / 12/20/2012 at 3:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Animals

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

by Mike / 10/16/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

by alexo / 05/23/2012 at 11:52am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for breakfast, my chair rocked backwards. I reflexively grabbed out at something to hold on to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the cereal box that was on the table. FML

by Fillifilo / 04/18/2012 at 12:38am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML

by Quackers / 04/11/2012 at 11:39am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm / Kids

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

by panos016 / 07/15/2011 at 9:51am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous