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hof

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  • Number of visits : 168
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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hof's page activity

Visits<b>JoeOchoa</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 6:06am

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hof's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52393) - you deserved it (9088)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54890) - you deserved it (7739)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46727) - you deserved it (18759)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

#20738804
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48117) - you deserved it (10129)

On 06/21/2013 at 10:28am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56275) - you deserved it (4763)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

#20649343
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49173) - you deserved it (11043)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64495) - you deserved it (5948)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67135) - you deserved it (9906)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58169) - you deserved it (4190)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49248) - you deserved it (4653)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45940) - you deserved it (9195)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57939) - you deserved it (10477)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)



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