life is a joke full of ups and downs, and irony abound.
Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34930) - you totally deserved it (2047)
On 07/23/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Gg (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)
Today, I was lying in bed late at night trying to fall asleep. I blew my nose on a kleenex and was too lazy to get up and put it in the garbage. I threw it under my bed when I heard a whispery voice say "Thank you". It was my little brother trying to scare me. I peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38472) - you totally deserved it (7552)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38174) - you totally deserved it (4749)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, my girlfriend of 8 years attempted to explain to me how the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a BS in Biology and a MS in Anthropology and I am working on my Phd and she thinks I am being an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32989) - you totally deserved it (6185)
On 07/23/2009 at 2:13am - work - by published_anthropologist (man) - United States
Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8548) - you totally deserved it (40162)
On 07/16/2009 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35231) - you totally deserved it (1343)
On 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by search_me (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6536) - you totally deserved it (30685)
On 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by far23 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36934) - you totally deserved it (2695)
On 07/15/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by mook (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34140) - you totally deserved it (9934)
On 07/14/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by pkstarstorm (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said,"This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33607) - you totally deserved it (7434)
On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5119) - you totally deserved it (34528)
On 07/12/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by divineinstrument (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36176) - you totally deserved it (5403)
On 07/11/2009 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by policeopenup (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28648) - you totally deserved it (16215)
On 07/11/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by jadakorn (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38498) - you totally deserved it (2672)
On 07/11/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by charma (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39147) - you totally deserved it (1176)
On 07/11/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by ttsutaoka (man) - United States (California)
