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hnm114's FML badges
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
hnm114's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 1:44pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Kids
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 10:34am / United States (Connecticut) / Money
Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 9:17am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML
by Diachronic / 09/12/2014 at 4:05am / United States (Idaho) / Work
by very punny / 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML
by SadAndDeaf / 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm / Miscellaneous
by anon / 08/31/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by NosChersVoisins / 07/01/2014 at 12:55am / France (Aquitaine) / Love
by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2014 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 06/21/2014 at 8:50am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by EmptyGlass / 06/19/2014 at 4:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, is my first day of recovery in a full right arm cast. Broke it on the last possible free day… Today, my girlfriend and I woke up in a frisky mood and after a very quick glance around the house… Today, I asked my husband of 15 years to get a vasectomy, as he's said for the past 13 we are done…