About hk : I'm a regular college girl, studying law in Ottawa. :D
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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13650) - you deserved it (109073)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66459) - you deserved it (32272)
On 04/04/2009 at 4:04am - intimacy - by showerstupid (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90484) - you deserved it (5837)
On 03/31/2009 at 6:44am - love - by lizzardbreath (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21074) - you deserved it (76201)
On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, whilst working at Subway, I took an order for 6 footlongs. The entire process took 15 minutes due to the customer's hesitant and glacial pace. When it came to paying, he pulled out his wallet, looked inside, looked at me, and walked quickly out of the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73801) - you deserved it (3201)
On 03/30/2009 at 8:16am - work - by matte (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57101) - you deserved it (3056)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you deserved it (5317)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Lena (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (132251) - you deserved it (15447)
On 03/26/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by Voice29 (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (162764) - you deserved it (22123)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (68057) - you deserved it (3421)
On 03/25/2009 at 11:45pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45072) - you deserved it (70160)
On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75997) - you deserved it (16283)
On 03/22/2009 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by caughtontape - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32967) - you deserved it (114448)
On 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Mason_Jayson - United States (Iowa)
Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53971) - you deserved it (5233)
On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (173777) - you deserved it (18046)
On 03/21/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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