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hjnd2396

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hjnd2396

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  • Number of visits : 195
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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hjnd2396's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of hjnd2396's badges

hjnd2396's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29471) - you deserved it (6257)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27292) - you deserved it (3711)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

#21355550
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32945) - you deserved it (3376)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43165) - you deserved it (2977)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

#21347104
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26929) - you deserved it (2593)

On 01/31/2015 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29768) - you deserved it (3483)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

#21325643
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31133) - you deserved it (2882)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:52am - misc - by thanks a lot mom - United States (California)

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

#21316987
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32720) - you deserved it (2530)

On 12/13/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by ashamed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

#21311698
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26967) - you deserved it (2209)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

#21311373
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30240) - you deserved it (12832)

On 12/04/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by Red (man) -

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

#21308349
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28865) - you deserved it (2491)

On 11/29/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

#21303585
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26799) - you deserved it (2940)

On 11/21/2014 at 10:29pm - kids - by angkal2002 - Australia

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

#21300835
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28747) - you deserved it (3449)

On 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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Friday 27 February 2015

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