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hjnd2396

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hjnd2396

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 510
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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hjnd2396's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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hjnd2396's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

#21463927
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18826) - you deserved it (1585)

On 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm - animals - by pansypup - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22989) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

Today, while working as a cart attendant, I found one of my coworkers on a lawn chair sipping on a Bud light in the parking lot, while we both were supposed to be working, leaving me to push carts by myself. My boss comes out to me catching my breath and tells me to work harder. FML

#21444844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25229) - you deserved it (1798)

On 07/21/2015 at 2:05am - work - by actionboy116 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30933) - you deserved it (4283)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33717) - you deserved it (2466)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24098) - you deserved it (19834)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

#21440426
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27837) - you deserved it (2145)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

#21439737
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28112) - you deserved it (7721)

On 07/10/2015 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

#21437372
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26136) - you deserved it (6655)

On 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by notacreep - United States (California)

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

#21437044
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22271) - you deserved it (1753)

On 07/05/2015 at 9:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

#21436613
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27856) - you deserved it (2311)

On 07/05/2015 at 1:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

#21435969
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27985) - you deserved it (1923)

On 07/03/2015 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by but cum to think of it... (man) -

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31321) - you deserved it (13113)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my mom I was going hiking with a couple of friends and wouldn't be back for 4 or more hours. Not even 2 hours later, she called the cops and reported us as missing. She didn't realize that we wouldn't have service up the canyon so we could call her back. FML

#21426852
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26937) - you deserved it (2016)

On 06/16/2015 at 1:47am - misc - by use your brain mother - United States (Utah)



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