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hjnd2396

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hjnd2396

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 256
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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hjnd2396's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of hjnd2396's badges

hjnd2396's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26458) - you deserved it (4224)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27249) - you deserved it (2878)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32795) - you deserved it (6563)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

#21374736
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (387) - you deserved it (10189)

On 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

#21371826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27036) - you deserved it (6352)

On 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by parkoursam - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35446) - you deserved it (3244)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43226) - you deserved it (19567)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34785) - you deserved it (56)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28428) - you deserved it (3760)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

#21355550
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33369) - you deserved it (3384)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43508) - you deserved it (2993)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29950) - you deserved it (5125)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

#21347104
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27676) - you deserved it (2889)

On 01/31/2015 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30202) - you deserved it (3470)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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