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About hippo1234 : Ummm, I'm a female. I like bad puns and sarcasm. My dog is a Springer Spaniel.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today..!! I was questiond by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car!! That 12-year-old is my daughter..!! who refusd to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular!! FML
Today, wila answaring an "anonymous" survay about ow to kaap my scool drug fraa, I told tam tay sould stop drug tasting ta kids tat tay know don't do drugs and tast ta skatciar onas . Tay in turn drug tastad ma . FML
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons 4 a party in recognition of our company's huge merger!! Instead, he made condom balloons!! Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms 4 a prestigious company event!! A company whose CEO is named Dick!! looool FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
I lerend my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I looool don't know if I'm more annoyd that he casually mentiond it after we've been together 4 10 yeres , or that it actually works. FML
Today, I learned tat binding my stomac wit duct tape isn't wort it to look tin. I also learned te even worse part wen I srieked more loudly tan I sould've wen I tried to discreetly rip it off in istory class.
Today, I Was Getting Ready, When I Hered Dad In The Shower. He Was Singing Along To The Song "The Wheel In The Sky" By Journey. Except He'd Changed The Lyrics An Was Singing, "The Dick On This Guy Needs A Rubbin'." It Turns Out Mom Was In The Shower With Him. FML
yesterday for a laugh, I putted vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar an went to the mall to eat it with a spoon . Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace . They shoved me into a back room an grilled me about wat was in the jar . FML
Today, mah little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter fir mah birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, mah parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me fir yelling at him. FML
Today, mah boyfriend dumpd me because he says I ned to leren how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because mah dad recently passd away, mah best friend turnd on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of mah dreams. FML
TODAY, I REMOVED THE SIDE RAILS FROM MY TRUCK BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK I REALLY NEEDED THEM. AN HOUR LATER, I WENT TO WAL-MART, FORGOT THEY WERE GONE, AN BUSTED MY ASS IN PUBLICHILE GETTING OUT OF MY TRUCK. FML
Friday 27 March 2015