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About hippo1234 : Ummm, I'm a female. I like bad puns and sarcasm. My dog is a Springer Spaniel.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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my house was broken into. After we calld the police, my dad startd calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop.
TODAYHILE AT A PRIVATE LAKE, MAH COLON DECLARED A STATE OF EVACUATION. I VENTURED AS FAR FROM MAH FAMILY AS MAH SPHINCTER WOULD ALLOW, ONLY TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH TWO VERY HORRIFIED KAYAKERS MID-EXPLOSION. FML
yesterday I let a friend read a draft of te novel I'm writing. Se claimd te antagonist is blatantly basd on er and treatend to sue me if I don't pay er royalties. Te antagonist is an ancient insane goblin witc. I guess I see now ow tis confusion could arise. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party 4 a bunc of eigt year olds. One of tem decided it'd be funny to ave a contest to see wo could make te most bubble wit tere farts. It led to tree kids sitting temselve in te pool, and me aving te dubiou onor of cleaning it up. fat FML
Today... I'va baan gatting calls 4 ovar a waak on my homa phona... call phona... and tha work phona at my night shift... in which somaona whispar tarrifying Satanic-sounding chant at ma. I'va now found out that tha callar is my bast "friand". His axplanation: "You saamad lonaly... man." FML
Today, I Was Washing Up In A Public Bathroom, When I Looked Up 4 A Second And Saw A Kid In The Mirror Staring Back At Me. I Gasped, As I Thought The Place Had Been Empty. He Whispered, "It's Time To Die." I Screamed And Ran Out, Only To Hear Him Burst Out Laughing Behind Me. FML
Yesterday, my grlfriend dumpd me fir no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updatd her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commentd, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML
Today, I finally talked mah boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I cummed an instinctively gripped his head with mah thighs. He panicked an we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
Today, I was watcing ma 3-year-old sister play in te battub . Se started screaming at er toys, saying "You're staying under te water until you DIE!" Se ten looked at me and cackled . I sare a room wit tis demon cild . big fat FML
yesterday while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone looool making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I cummed out . FML
I came home to find that mah mother had cleand mah room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managd to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, ( It's time to go, sweetie XO ). FML
Friday 27 March 2015