Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

hippo1234

Search for a member

hippo1234

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 34806
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About hippo1234 : Ummm, I'm a female. I like bad puns and sarcasm. My dog is a Springer Spaniel.

hippo1234's page activity

Visits<b>viperishcat</b> - 7 hours ago<b>Wabbajack789</b> - yesterday at 8:34pm<b>melons</b> - yesterday at 3:29pm<b>Llama_Face89</b> - yesterday at 10:04am<b>Helldemon</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 8:24pm<b>isuckwithnames</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 3:20pm<b>anonisfab</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 11:41pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:42pm<b>Cruzg2017</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:24pm<b>cakefete2</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 12:08pm<b>the_nope_man</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 12:40pm<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 9:35pm<b>Adam5858</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 1:52pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 1:30pm<b>Elgaard</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 12:21pm<b>lil_miss_simran</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 12:46pm<b>Haze64</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 4:39am<b>ladyP97</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 12:26pm

hippo1234's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of hippo1234's badges

hippo1234's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

#20860215
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41667) - you deserved it (18466)

On 08/30/2013 at 10:44am - health - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

#20854246
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33306) - you deserved it (2744)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:16pm - animals - by KatVanGogh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41977) - you deserved it (4882)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44053) - you deserved it (3152)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

#20823903
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57232) - you deserved it (4356)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

#20820394
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42625) - you deserved it (4226)

On 08/04/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by newbffswelcome (man) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

#20817313
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49685) - you deserved it (8423)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by lights on forever (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

#20816836
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50834) - you deserved it (5562)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:53am - love - by tkghan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51546) - you deserved it (11146)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

#20814477
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49785) - you deserved it (3673)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

#20810453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33045) - you deserved it (8341)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41432) - you deserved it (2756)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38284) - you deserved it (3744)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: