About hippo1234 : Ummm, I'm a female. I like bad puns and sarcasm. My dog is a Springer Spaniel.
hippo1234's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
hippo1234's favorite FMLs
by inconnue / 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by Ihatemyjob / 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
by hejdixjeln / 03/17/2013 at 6:25am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 2:05pm / United States / Health
Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML
by benoit / 03/15/2013 at 8:35am / France / Work
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by ipaid350dollarsfornothing / 03/15/2013 at 3:09am / Qatar / Miscellaneous
by fmlman / 03/15/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous
by guy / 03/15/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
by grandson of a p.o.s. / 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 5:01pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Love
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML
by wow / 03/14/2013 at 11:43am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous
- Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted…