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hi_lovely's favorite FMLs
by whowhat / 07/11/2013 at 2:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Love
by theawfulpresent / 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by thrifty gone wrong / 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 6:10am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML
by go snope yourself / 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 1:00pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Kids
Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML
by asthmattack / 01/25/2013 at 1:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by swollenpenis / 01/25/2013 at 1:11am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML
by idiot / 01/24/2013 at 2:53pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
by steven / 01/24/2013 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by ohokay / 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2013 at 3:27am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Money
by sarah6786 / 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…