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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (120151) - you deserved it (12009)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22334) - you deserved it (110345)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a Tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no-liquids rule. They took out a bottle of Massage Oil, Lube, Vagasil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20913) - you deserved it (54639)
On 03/01/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Kammy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (143400) - you deserved it (9813)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by xo_lezz (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23569) - you deserved it (69565)
On 03/01/2009 at 1:58am - intimacy - by fmlisthebomb (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23599) - you deserved it (85937)
On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54488) - you deserved it (12528)
On 02/27/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - Singapore
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (205361) - you deserved it (44829)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12501) - you deserved it (75029)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67850) - you deserved it (15062)
On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11756) - you deserved it (62745)
On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (651045) - you deserved it (12041)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20686) - you deserved it (5099)
On 11/12/2008 at 3:10am - intimacy - by aur - Sent from mobile version
Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9039) - you deserved it (55712)
On 11/10/2008 at 4:11am - work - by tadam - Sent from mobile version
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40912) - you deserved it (3198)
On 11/09/2008 at 2:43am - intimacy - by Enko - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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