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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9716) - you deserved it (47821)
On 04/18/2009 at 2:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57324) - you deserved it (2066)
On 04/18/2009 at 2:45am - animals - by englishtrio (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38309) - you deserved it (11081)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34678) - you deserved it (11789)
On 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by shutupandsmile18 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44291) - you deserved it (7251)
On 04/17/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by woopwoop (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8156) - you deserved it (51381)
On 04/17/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by grampsisgay (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56707) - you deserved it (6213)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Daniel_rules (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7607) - you deserved it (74473)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58302) - you deserved it (11968)
On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71561) - you deserved it (3205)
On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52532) - you deserved it (5103)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out I felt someone grab my knee, I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes nearly 25 people we're starring at me, and the lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34189) - you deserved it (5005)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58803) - you deserved it (8367)
On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (76904) - you deserved it (5444)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49400) - you deserved it (2151)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
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