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Today, I woke up to find my cat, dead, hanging from the ceiling fan. On the wall, it said, "You touch my wife's pussy , I touch yours." My friend who lives across the street was talking about having great fun last night with an older woman. Wrong house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39702) - you totally deserved it (1144)
On 09/13/2009 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by Person1233 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball strangely rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14229) - you totally deserved it (44166)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44418) - you totally deserved it (1415)
On 07/28/2009 at 3:29am - work - by skygoddess (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (95941) - you totally deserved it (22424)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (216134) - you totally deserved it (238570)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (348023) - you totally deserved it (14430)
On 02/28/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
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