Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

heylilyhey

Search for a member

heylilyhey
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 707
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

heylilyhey's last visitors

The_Big_BossusmcfieldsSuperdouchebagred_headforlifeALlamaOnFiretotallybananasrkdstp1995pratikp03WildHorses1987jgilmanx13Edogg215ActionFearo

heylilyhey's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of heylilyhey's badges

heylilyhey's favorite FMLs

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

#20122439
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15818) - you deserved it (1676)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by murp (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

#20119882
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29990) - you deserved it (1229)

On 10/16/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by Faker (woman) - United States

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

#20117763
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6071) - you deserved it (52339)

On 10/15/2012 at 6:28am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

#20117729
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17736) - you deserved it (2080)

On 10/15/2012 at 4:33am - misc - by triple l (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

#20107518
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24795) - you deserved it (1480)

On 10/08/2012 at 2:36pm - love - by jack - United States (Illinois)

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

#20095343
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24942) - you deserved it (2760)

On 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by whatswrongwithit?:( (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

#20080998
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20091) - you deserved it (833)

On 09/20/2012 at 5:34pm - health - by fuckalltwitardsintheface (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37700) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I discovered a large and somewhat disturbing whitehead inside my ear crevice. Apparently it's been there for a while, because everyone at work has nicknamed it Hugo. FML

#20063555
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15447) - you deserved it (2145)

On 09/08/2012 at 6:39pm - work - by me - United States

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17197) - you deserved it (3333)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

#20020549
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16957) - you deserved it (1405)

On 08/14/2012 at 12:14pm - health - by Todd - United States

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

#20015148
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18363) - you deserved it (3236)

On 08/11/2012 at 12:38pm - love - by what the actual fuck (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

#20009342
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5485) - you deserved it (42364)

On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: