About heylilyhey : my studies conclude that you're a fag
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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50 favourites
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Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35555) - you deserved it (9791)
On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48757) - you deserved it (3287)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41377) - you deserved it (5326)
On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46804) - you deserved it (5756)
On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68830) - you deserved it (3077)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44817) - you deserved it (7228)
On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28577) - you deserved it (94464)
Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36859) - you deserved it (5841)
On 04/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by 'creep' - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37629) - you deserved it (4429)
On 04/21/2013 at 12:03pm - money - by a little less poor at least (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49326) - you deserved it (5946)
On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States
Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44319) - you deserved it (6206)
On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States
Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38776) - you deserved it (12886)
On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46363) - you deserved it (3463)
On 04/19/2013 at 7:44am - misc - by pleasekillme (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41957) - you deserved it (4796)
On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42331) - you deserved it (8122)
On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)
Monday 20 May 2013
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