heyitscandace

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Offline (the 10/05/2014 at 5:07pm)

heyitscandace

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 785
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About heyitscandace : Music nerd for life.

heyitscandace's page activity

Visits<b>Slhruman</b> - the 10/10/2011 at 2:47pm<b>_moden_</b> - the 10/10/2011 at 12:02pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:19pm<b>erpaderp</b> - the 08/27/2011 at 7:16pm<b>alaskankid907</b> - the 07/10/2011 at 11:56pm<b>dudeitsdanny</b> - the 06/21/2011 at 9:23pm

heyitscandace's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of heyitscandace's badges

heyitscandace's favorite FMLs

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

by MikeNick / 12/17/2011 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm / United States / Kids

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

by tomcat69 / 07/10/2011 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

by Mary / 07/10/2011 at 8:49am / United States / Love

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

by Lame / 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML

by JohnyP / 07/09/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

by Anonyme / 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm / Love

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

by Stacy / 07/05/2011 at 12:04am / United States / Work

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

by hadtocleanthemess / 06/28/2011 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

by MakeMyDay_27 / 06/27/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

by lerouxmaster / 12/22/2010 at 6:43am / Kids

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous