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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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hewro_failure's favorite FMLs
Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 3:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 2:29am / United States (Oregon) / Health
by dentallycorrect / 08/19/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek
by anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 1:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
by sadsexer23 / 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Chris / 02/02/2010 at 12:40am / Transportation
by wowhoopla / 01/10/2010 at 8:10pm / Miscellaneous
by EgoMoose / 12/28/2009 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML
by James / 11/05/2009 at 11:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 11:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 5:21am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by JPF / 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by reckless182 / 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…