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hewro_failure's favorite FMLs
Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML
by argh / 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML
by badmom / 02/25/2012 at 6:25am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by hatinthelife / 02/18/2012 at 1:34am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML
by Mel Ancholy / 02/17/2012 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML
by brokeandsingle / 01/29/2012 at 4:55am / United Kingdom (York) / Love
Today, as I was crossing the slush covered street to catch the bus, I slipped and fell right in the middle of the road. A woman in a car rolled down her window. She didn't ask if I was okay but just laughed and took a picture of me covered in cold, wet slush. FML
by hopeless cluts / 01/29/2012 at 2:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML
by fuckthepopo / 01/20/2012 at 9:31pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML
by jada / 01/04/2012 at 6:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML
by Grossed Out / 12/29/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
by ThinZ / 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/12/2011 at 1:00am / United States / Love
by aninnocentonlooker / 12/04/2011 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by EunJung / 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 5:08pm / United Kingdom / Love