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herpaderpaherp

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herpaderpaherp
  • Town/Country : Fairfax, Virginia, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 587
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About herpaderpaherp : Kinda made a profile after not being able to vote on comments. Lovin FML, and feel free to message me.

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herpaderpaherp's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29762) - you deserved it (17166)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24082) - you deserved it (4188)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

#17381048
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27276) - you deserved it (3479)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

#17128085
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33179) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

#16878722
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26711) - you deserved it (3054)

On 06/27/2011 at 8:16am - misc - by Nice 2 inch - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML

#16245376
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46817) - you deserved it (2842)

On 05/18/2011 at 10:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

#16199219
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8708) - you deserved it (25286)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:37am - misc - by Andre -

Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML

#15705121
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16736) - you deserved it (28276)

On 04/09/2011 at 3:52am - misc - by 2classicNot2 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

#15248393
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39276) - you deserved it (3772)

On 03/09/2011 at 3:27am - love - by life_isnt_fair (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

#15052365
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6862) - you deserved it (93404)

On 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by :/ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

#14080015
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19523) - you deserved it (5581)

On 12/04/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by chi-huaHUA - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10611) - you deserved it (105576)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

#12051058
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30117) - you deserved it (13575)

On 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

#7568071
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4823) - you deserved it (26479)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:21pm - misc - by lala (woman) - United States (Florida)



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