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hemi753

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hemi753

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  • Number of visits : 103
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hemi753's favorite FMLs

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48808) - you deserved it (5874)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32625) - you deserved it (2156)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46581) - you deserved it (7949)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32105) - you deserved it (8132)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

#20171812
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16246) - you deserved it (4375)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28150) - you deserved it (2924)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27939) - you deserved it (4995)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75338) - you deserved it (8804)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11531) - you deserved it (154013)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

#19951695
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20558) - you deserved it (1920)

On 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm - work - by TimeForACareerChange (man) - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

#19938552
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38656) - you deserved it (4604)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

#19853920
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35347) - you deserved it (3048)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:05am - love - by tammy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

#19853793
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7780) - you deserved it (33696)

On 06/27/2012 at 12:39am - misc - by deli Shoppe - United States (California)

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10562) - you deserved it (40794)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

#19001637
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20668) - you deserved it (5933)

On 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm - misc - by KDM - Australia (Victoria)



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