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help_me_13's favorite FMLs
by roze198765 / 08/03/2011 at 9:19pm / United States / Animals
by Tim / 08/03/2011 at 3:40am / United States / Love
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
by scully11 / 08/02/2011 at 2:36pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML
by someone / 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm / United States / Intimacy
by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML
by youjustsuck / 07/25/2011 at 2:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
by toni405 / 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm / United States / Love
by Username / 07/20/2011 at 7:07pm / United States / Love
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
by UhOh / 07/08/2011 at 4:38pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
by Username / 07/08/2011 at 9:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
by shit / 07/07/2011 at 3:43am / United States / Kids
by hadtocleanthemess / 06/28/2011 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…
- Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said… Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them…
- Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him…