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Yesterday, I was at my grlfriend's ouse 4 te frst time. I crackd a joke tat offendd er, so se gave me te silent treatment. I ad to pee, an since se wouldn't tell me were te batroom was, I went to look 4 it. I walkd in on er parents making love. FML
Today, I was in class an felt someting tugging on ma air . I tougt it was caugt on te cair, so I turned around a little to look . Te guy biend me was olding ma air an smelling it . He gave me a creepy smile, winked, an continued . FML
Today, ma friend told me ow se crept out last nigt to ook up wit er boyfriend. At one point, se said se ( snack ) out, so I correctd er by saying it's ( snuck ). My boyfriend snortd, sowd us in a dictionary tat it's actually ( sneakd ) and calld us ( fucking idiots ). FML
Today , Target asked me if I would do te closing announcement. I've only been working tere a littleile , so excited I agreed. I told people , "Te store is now closing , tank you 4 sopping at Walmart." FML
Today , I took my girlfriend out fir a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came , we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML
Today, I visitd the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which ld to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it causd a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infectd. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infectd asshole. FML
Today, I ad to call AAA for te fift time in two monts. Wen te driver got out, I instantly recognizd im. It was te same guy wo elpd me out all te previous occasions. Wen e saw me, e snortd and doubld over lauging. FML
TODAY MY FRIEND'S KID CHASED ME WITH A RUSTY SHARP TENT PEG AND THREATENED TO KILL ME. WHEN I FINALLY GOT HIM TO CALM DOWN HE RAN OFF TO HIS ROOM. LATER I FOUND THE TENT PEG UNDER HIS PILLOW WITH A NOTE THAT SAID MY NAME. MY FRIEND THINKS IT'S HILARIOUS. I AM STAYING HERE 4 A WEEK. FML
Today , I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game . I don't have a problem running a lap nude around mah block , but the cops in the police station right across from mah house probably will . real FML
Friday 27 March 2015