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hellphone's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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hellphone's favorite FMLs
by me / 11/04/2011 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by fmlifer / 11/04/2011 at 12:29am / United States (California) / Love
by KayleeXLoVe21 / 11/03/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by oneillrox / 11/03/2011 at 4:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
by snownerd / 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was invited to a party to celebrate my ex-fiancée's recent engagement. The party is at work, because my ex is also my boss. Her new fiancée is some guy she met while on a "business trip" that happened while we were still engaged. FML
by lebowski101 / 11/02/2011 at 9:45pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
by DrakeScott / 11/02/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML
by miley098 / 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML
by brie / 11/02/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (California) / Love
by S. Bauer / 11/02/2011 at 9:50am / Portugal / Love
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to break up with him since he's always busy, and I haven't seen or spoke to him in almost 2 months. I arrived to find out from his landlord that he'd moved out 3 weeks ago, leaving a note saying that we were over. FML
by melikeyturtles / 11/02/2011 at 1:21am / United States / Love
by heatherjo / 11/02/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Love
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML
by ugadawgs09 / 11/02/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
- Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just… Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping… Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished…