Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

helloitsmeex3

Search for a member

helloitsmeex3
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 January 1991 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 398
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

helloitsmeex3's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

helloitsmeex3's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7321) - you deserved it (103612)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

#4097129
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42672) - you deserved it (8434)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

#4089919
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13569) - you deserved it (39326)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

#4083142
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35924) - you deserved it (19237)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by usafprog (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I saw my crush walking on the other side of the street. She hadn't noticed me, so when she did I nonchalantly looked over and casually waved to look cool. I then walked right into a lamp post. FML

#2991516
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19370) - you deserved it (33015)

On 06/18/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Norway (Akershus)

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

#2929897
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35371) - you deserved it (3175)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by JustAGiftCardPlease (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
813 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113811) - you deserved it (71770)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17684) - you deserved it (41482)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

#2732892
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56921) - you deserved it (5055)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:28pm - love - by doomed (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML

#2560457
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11498) - you deserved it (49677)

On 06/03/2009 at 6:06am - work - by failedmusician (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15124) - you deserved it (43861)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13681) - you deserved it (110405)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

#1815413
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71267) - you deserved it (7974)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (469203) - you deserved it (23783)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: