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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
helen_ellexo's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/05/2015 at 11:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
by fuck right off / 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health
Today, I went out to dinner for my mom's birthday. I'd planned for a nice restaurant which is always packed, so I'd called for a reservation. When we got there, the hostess tried to turn us down because no one ever takes their mother out to dinner anymore, and that I was a fraud. FML
by jesterinperil / 02/16/2015 at 5:38pm / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 2:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML
by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by lexigan4 / 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML
by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML
by HeckIfIKnow / 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML
by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/14/2014 at 2:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by badplacerightnow / 10/13/2014 at 10:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML
by bluevix / 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Ryuun12 / 10/02/2014 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…