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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
helen_ellexo's favorite FMLs
by Playaaa / 11/14/2015 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 10:02pm / United States / Health
by shavednipples / 10/11/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 2:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 12:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by Oh Cock / 10/10/2015 at 11:15am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
by iskalion / 10/10/2015 at 1:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2015 at 12:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by Deweyboy / 10/10/2015 at 12:33am / United States / Intimacy
by biggs sprhro / 10/10/2015 at 12:25am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 10:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 4:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
by philosophicallll / 09/28/2015 at 4:25pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…