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heitone

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heitone

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2782
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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heitone's page activity

Visits<b>Trollz4daLULZ</b> - the 08/10/2010 at 4:52pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 02/07/2010 at 10:18pm<b>CASSIDIZZLE95</b> - the 01/22/2010 at 2:56am<b>soccerchic64life</b> - the 07/15/2009 at 9:34pm

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heitone's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment, when I came across a lacy black thong in the laundry. When confronted, he swore it was his. I don't know what's worse, the possibility that another woman left it there, or the idea that my boyfriend owns and wears women's lingerie. FML

#9037172
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26061) - you deserved it (2667)

On 03/13/2010 at 12:14am - love - by botharebad (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

#8972575
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20576) - you deserved it (2242)

On 03/10/2010 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by robotchickens (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

#8940307
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33981) - you deserved it (2251)

On 03/09/2010 at 3:57am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

#8905388
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24224) - you deserved it (2027)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:12pm - misc - by leenibeani4 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

#8894345
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33362) - you deserved it (3003)

On 03/07/2010 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by woopdeedo_1 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

#8887792
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36149) - you deserved it (2354)

On 03/07/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by notamathematician (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

#8875479
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23674) - you deserved it (3942)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML

#8793926
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29692) - you deserved it (3464)

On 03/03/2010 at 4:24am - intimacy - by victoriassecret - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

#8781188
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20085) - you deserved it (3480)

On 03/02/2010 at 8:03pm - health - by sunny_ca559 - United States

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

#8779479
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24025) - you deserved it (2740)

On 03/02/2010 at 7:00pm - kids - by csc4lyfe09 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

#8769205
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18735) - you deserved it (3236)

On 03/02/2010 at 7:38am - intimacy - by virginmary - Reserved

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

#8767827
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29680) - you deserved it (2782)

On 03/02/2010 at 4:14am - misc - by Celeste - Singapore

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

#8763974
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21110) - you deserved it (5295)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by sleeper - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to explain to my 14-year-old sister why one must not wear the same pair of knickers for a week. FML

#8754431
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25448) - you deserved it (2030)

On 03/01/2010 at 7:14pm - health - by :( - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

#8748145
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25830) - you deserved it (3443)

On 03/01/2010 at 2:09pm - kids - by moneyman22 - United States (New York)



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