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heitone

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heitone

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2863
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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heitone's page activity

Visits<b>Trollz4daLULZ</b> - the 08/10/2010 at 4:52pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 02/07/2010 at 10:18pm<b>CASSIDIZZLE95</b> - the 01/22/2010 at 2:56am<b>soccerchic64life</b> - the 07/15/2009 at 9:34pm

heitone's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

heitone's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38083) - you deserved it (9642)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic". FML

#12995746
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29044) - you deserved it (2199)

On 09/10/2010 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bumped into a lady in the New Jersey airport. After I politely apologized she said, "Watch your step, asshole." FML

#12984210
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24883) - you deserved it (4836)

On 09/09/2010 at 11:15pm - misc - by higagram (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34472) - you deserved it (3928)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML

#12966351
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32959) - you deserved it (7416)

On 09/08/2010 at 7:13pm - health - by Lauren - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

#12953032
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52191) - you deserved it (7857)

On 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm - kids - by uselessdad - Singapore

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

#12552157
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28267) - you deserved it (4992)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:03am - love - by 86145 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

#12524990
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36706) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by incestastic - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

#12439664
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35510) - you deserved it (3354)

On 08/10/2010 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

#12438050
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30694) - you deserved it (3170)

On 08/10/2010 at 7:19pm - misc - by Brandon (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

#12343499
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39024) - you deserved it (5235)

On 08/06/2010 at 12:40am - love - by rugs - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

#12332692
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40882) - you deserved it (3459)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by kiki - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

#12322753
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53932) - you deserved it (3877)

On 08/05/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Drew - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was at work, I heard one of my employees laughing on the phone. I told him to shut up and get back to work. Turns out he was actually crying because his father had just died. FML

#12251529
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9487) - you deserved it (57101)

On 08/01/2010 at 8:34pm - work - by bloodymatzaball - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

#12187023
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31283) - you deserved it (3326)

On 07/29/2010 at 1:29pm - misc - by pandaboo (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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