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heitone

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heitone

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  • Number of visits : 2529
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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heitone's page activity

Visits<b>Trollz4daLULZ</b> - the 08/10/2010 at 4:52pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 02/07/2010 at 10:18pm<b>CASSIDIZZLE95</b> - the 01/22/2010 at 2:56am<b>soccerchic64life</b> - the 07/15/2009 at 9:34pm

heitone's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

heitone's favorite FMLs

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

#13675906
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32325) - you deserved it (3127)

On 11/01/2010 at 3:39pm - misc - by mr_p - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

#13675259
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22261) - you deserved it (9983)

On 11/01/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62786) - you deserved it (8978)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

#13645205
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38814) - you deserved it (10591)

On 10/30/2010 at 1:07am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Taranaki)

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

#13642352
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51859) - you deserved it (3862)

On 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

#13636606
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26609) - you deserved it (11610)

On 10/29/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by mrtut (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

#13567448
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33118) - you deserved it (2337)

On 10/23/2010 at 8:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

#13561698
348 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50116) - you deserved it (3556)

On 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

#13560342
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39615) - you deserved it (11959)

On 10/23/2010 at 9:15am - misc - by drunkfacebookuser (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

#13541967
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29433) - you deserved it (4497)

On 10/21/2010 at 9:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out the memory card our engagement photos were taken on has been corrupted, so all the images are lost. The guy who took the pictures said that this has never happened to him in the eight years that he's been a photographer. FML

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

#13535807
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29978) - you deserved it (4673)

On 10/21/2010 at 9:55am - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

#13527563
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (2927)

On 10/20/2010 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

#13514836
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you deserved it (3207)

On 10/19/2010 at 6:58pm - kids - by widow - United States (Illinois)

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

#13502954
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20453) - you deserved it (5187)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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